Jesse James Recalls Abusive Childhood Leading to 'Breaking Point'

A lot can change in a year. It wasn't long ago that Jesse James was married to America's Sweetheart, Sandra Bullock, before their broken marriage, shattered by James' infidelity, was

splashed across the media -- at time in which "everything got ripped to shreds," James told PEOPLE.

But while the world turned to Bullock to offer their comfort and vow to stand against James, she wasn't the only one who was in deep waters: "I was at my breaking point," he said.

James, 42, who is now engaged to reality TV tattoo artist, Kat Von D, and emerged from the reality realm himself on 'Monster Garage,' explained that this breaking point stemmed from an abusive childhood -- a childhood he details in his memoir, 'American Outlaw.'

"I always felt out of place my whole life," he said. "I never felt successful, never felt I deserved anything."

But James assures the public that he is not using these references to a difficult childhood as a crutch to constitute or justify his alleged 11-month affair with tattoo model, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee.

"I'm moving forward, thinking clearly and becoming a better person."

Part of this vocal movement toward the future can be attributed to James' 30-day stay at the Sierra Tucson treatment center in Arizona where he recognized that his life was becoming a cycle rather than an upward path.

But how has James been able to ditch his old life -- while, undoubtedly, holding on to his reputation?

"I've made my world pretty small now," he explained to People. "Now I can focus on what's important: making sure [my] kids get good grades and are happy and healthy together."

James has a daughter and son with his first wife, Karla, and a second daughter with ex-wife, Janine Lindemulder. But one child noticeably absent from his life and his memoir is son, Louis, whom he adopted with ex-wife, Bullock. The couple were raising the infant before James' infidelity hit the media -- prompting Bullock to soon seek and gain full custody of the baby.

"Talking about Louis almost felt too intimate," James said. "He is so sweet and I miss him." But in moving forward, the tattooed motorcycle aficionado affirms that he has "started life over."

And part of that new life is with Von D. James proposed to the reality star in January before tweeting, "Baby? You make it so easy to do everything I can to show you how Amazing you are. I see it as clear as a bell. My other half."

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